If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
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