this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
