I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
