you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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