Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We named our party play list daddy issues
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I want her autograph on my taint
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
