Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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