i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
