My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
