she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
