Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I've blown a few things in my day
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
