evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
