What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
