wakey wakey hands off snakey
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
