the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
