Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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