I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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