you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
