Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
