If that was your dad, he is hot
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
