is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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