Sry I called you an 8
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize