Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize