Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
