Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
