East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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