bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
