I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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