Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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