once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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