She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
