I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
