I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
