just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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