He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
