my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is wine microwaveable?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
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