I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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