Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
