When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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