summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
