Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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