why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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