you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
