dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
