he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
