My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
