party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
