I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
