mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
