Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
as a side note pls kill me
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
