I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
