Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
