dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
