I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it hurts more in the daytime
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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