I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
