Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
