you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
