I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
