i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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