so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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