he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
