marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
