I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
