NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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