sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
