New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
