Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
